Book Tour Reality: Where's the restroom?
I’m on a book tour,
helping to showcase the two new authors I mentioned in my last column. There’s
nothing as exciting as having your first book published. Like giving birth,
you’ve put in the labor, the baby had been delivered, and now it’s time to send
out announcements and show off the newest addition to the family.
We’ve already had some great events at local bookstores
and libraries, and there are more to come. We’ve brought along wine, bookmarks,
and chocolate as bribes. Rodney Worth from the Prickly Pear even donated some yummy
“amuse bouches” for an event.
I’m hoping the tour
continues to go smoothly. My first book tours weren’t quite as good as these
latest ones. In fact, the very first time I did an event, no one came, and I ended
up buying four books and losing money. But I didn’t have the heart to tell
these new authors what my experience has been. It would only scare them off.
Here are some examples
of my first book event, which was held in an unnamed chain bookstore that has
since gone out of business (I don’t think I had anything to do with that but
you never know). After setting up a table and displaying my brand new book,
this is what I encountered:
Possible Customer Number
1: “Where’s the travel/cookbook/self-help section?” (I don’t know. I don’t work
here.)
Possible Customer Number
2: “Does your book have anything to do with Alaska/wine-making/attention
deficit hyperactivity disorder?” (No, that would be the travel section, the
cookbook section, or the self-help section.)
Possible Customer Number
3: “Do you know Sue Grafton/James Patterson/Carolyn Keene? I’ve read all their
books!” (No, Sue doesn’t return my calls, James has other people writing his
books, and Carolyn Keene doesn’t exist.)
Possible Customer Number
4: “Have I ever heard of you?” (Apparently not.)
Possible Customer Number
5: “My sister’s best friend’s aunt has a copy of your book so I don’t need to
buy it.” (Great.)
Possible Customer Number
6: “How did you get published?” (I hounded an agent, editor, and publisher
until they gave in.)
Possible Customer Number
7: “Is this a mystery? Because I don’t read mysteries.” (No, it’s a literary
novel featuring a heroic detective, a flawed victim, and a sensitive killer.)
Possible Customer Number
8: “My teacher said I had to go to a book signing for extra credit. Will you
sign this form to prove I was here?” (For five bucks.)
Possible Customer Number
9: “Can I find your books on e-Bay?” (Sure. And one day you’ll find me on
Craig’s List, under “Will write for food.”)
Possible Customer Number
10: “Is this free?” (Yes, the glossy bookmarks, glasses of wine, little toys, personalized
pens, cute luggage tags, embossed notepads, and gourmet chocolates are free…if
you buy the book.)
Possible Customer Number
11: “Will you read my manuscript?” (Will you read my book?)
Possible Customer Number
12: “Do you validate parking?” (Will you validate my life’s work?)
Luckily, those days are
over. No more questions about travel books, Sue Grafton, or parking validation.
However, I’m still losing money, since I can’t get out of a bookstore without
buying my weight in books.
1 Comments :
This is so hysterical and I can definitely relate. Lately, I seem to be getting a ton of requests to be a ghostwriter. They have an idea and all I have to do is write 300 pages. No biggie.
Keep me posted on your author appearances. I love wine, chocolate & your books!
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