Danville vs. Seattle

Life is slow in Danville this summer. At least for me. At least compared to life at Seattle Grace. Seems like all I’ve been doing is watching videos of old TV shows. Like “Grey’s Anatomy.”

I’m not usually a big TV watcher (yeah, sure), but I often have it on for white noise while I work. Now that the kids are gone, I need it to replace all their screaming and fighting. Helps me concentrate.Sure, sometimes I watch a few intellectually challenging shows. Like “So You Think You Can Dance” (ask me anything about Paso Doble). But the main reason I don’t get attached to shows is simple: They get cancelled.

“Studio 60” with Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford? I loved that show. Now it’s gone. Remember “Surface,” the one about aliens coming to town (or was it “Invasion?”) Anyway, they were both cancelled. This year I got hooked on “Jericho,” where Johnny Depp-look-alike, Skeet Ulrich, tries to save his town after bombs destroy the rest of the country. Cancelled. At least until a bunch of fans sent nuts to the network as a form of protest. (Not me. Cashews are expensive.)

If you ever want a show to go off the air, ask me to watch it. The shows that get renewed are the ones I miss. “American Idol?” I can’t tell Kelly Clarkman (sic) from Simon Cowbell (sic). I missed the boat on “The Office” too. Every week over Family Sunday Dinner my kids discussed the latest episode, while I tried to chat about “Knights of Prosperity” (cancelled).

Desperate to be included, I finally joined “The Office” midseason. Now I have a crush on Dwight Schrute. (Where can I get one of his bobbleheads?)“CSI”? Missed it. “My Name is Earl”? Nope. “Lost”? Too much like “Gilligan’s Island.” But the worst mistake of all was my hunch that “Grey’s Anatomy” was just another “E.R.”/”Scrubs”/”House” (another hit show I managed to miss) with a bunch of angst-ridden interns who accidentally kill innocent patients. One episode was enough to give me an undiagnosed illness.

With summer slowing to a crawl and nothing new on TV (aside from Dr. Phil: “Your Lesbian Grandmother is Sleeping with Your Terrorist Boyfriend – and YOU DON’T CARE!”), I broke down and rented the first two seasons of “Grey’s Anatomy.” OMG, I’m totally hooked. Seriously. Meredith, Christina, Izzy and George are like my new best friends. McDreamy is well, dreamy. And I even like Bailey and Burke.

I want to move to Seattle, go to med school, and hold a live bomb inside a chest cavity so it doesn’t blow up – until the cute bomb squad guy shows up. I want to discuss the relationships between Meredith and Derrick, Meredith and George, George and Callie, George and Alex (whoops), and Meredith and all the men in Seattle.

But once again I’m lagging. Everyone else has moved on. They’re all watching something called “Ugly Betty.”Oh well, wait until the new season begins. I’ll be on top of the best shows this year. Can’t wait to try “Farmer Wants a Wife” (a group of city girls move to the country to compete for the heart of one farmer), “Kitchen Nightmares” (hot tempered Hell’s Kitchen chef goes on the road to help restaurants in crisis), and “Lady or a Tramp” (a group of rude and crude party girls are sent to charm school to learn how to behave like ladies.) Plus that show based on those Geico cavemen.

I may live in Danville, but thanks to my TV, I can go to Seattle Grace, Wisteria Lane, and what’s left of Jericho any time I want.